Racing the Clock

Have you ever felt like you are on the loosing end of a race against your own timeline? I do. Every. Goddamn. Day. One fateful day I looked up at the sky, and said, “Universe God. (because I was an atheist, and didn’t know what to call god) Please, help me.” I actually said those words out loud. At that point I had become acutely aware of the sky once more. I was spending more and more time watching it wondering if there was a purpose to all of the pain I was experiencing. I most definitely didn’t expect an answer, but it happened. It happened in so many ways. Throughout such a vast expense of time, that sometime I feel like I must have made it all up in my mind. The first response I got was nothing more than a dream. One that stood out enough to keep my attention for many months. It was a dream similar to one I had as a child of five. It was completely different in context, but the emotion was identical. It captivated me and I began looking for answers. Little did I know this was going to be the start of a mental journey back through my life. It was not going to be easy.

After appealing to the universe for help I woke one morning in a state of awe. Have you ever had a dream that was different from all of the rest. One that stands out in brilliant fashion? I knew…correction…I was 100% sure that I was in fact the girl from the dream. Which is weird. It was a fleeting moment. It faded fast. Dont get me wrong I have been other people in dreams before but there was a major distinction between the dreams and this new one. Still, I was left with the knowledge that somewhere I had experienced what the girl in my dream had experienced and yet, it wasn’t me. This girl was from ancient times. Somehow (don’t ask me how) I knew she was important. Which doesn’t add up, because I am nobody!!! It had to be one of the shortest dreams I have ever had but it was crystal clear. Here I am walking along a while walkway. To my left is a wall as tall a mountain. Huge sandstone blocks as large as an office desk stacked on top of one another as far up as you can see. This wall was huge, and I knew that there was a bustling city on the other side of it. My immediate feeling on waking was that it was ancient crete. Yet, that wasn’t right. It was NOT Crete. To my right was the ocean, more like a perfectly blue lagoon. There were palm trees. They were dotted across a small hill leading down to a beach I couldn’t see. Somehow I know it was there. All I was doing was walking along this large sidewalk feeling the ocean breeze and enjoying my solitude, or maybe it was just my moment. I know I was wearing one plain burlap looking sheath dress no straps. Similar to what the little mermaid wears when she washes up on the shore after gaining her legs. The unique part is I had a thick, solid gold necklace on. Similar to what you might imaging the ancient egyptians wearing. Out of this little picture what I remember the most was the feeling…..pure joy.

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