The clock ticks on, the gears turn, the cosmos spin, and we do our dance of life. It seems to me that every day people grow more disillusioned with life, like water coming to a boil. You can see it in every Facebook post, news article, or opinion piece. Humanity lives in a spiral always coming back to revisit & revise. I always see this meme when I am browsing online about how the world needs more storytellers. Maybe this is why I came back to my original attempt at a blog. My first blog had great potential, yet I stopped. I have regretted it for years now. Telling your story is terrifying. As I write this I have the small hope that no one will ever see this and it can remain as my own little place to vomit our everything I keep inside. I am afraid that it may be read. It was probably in my best interest to wait until I knew more about myself before giving old parts away. I have learned what I am not. I am not a researcher here to show you something. I am not trying to sway opinions. I am not into debates, because I don’t care enough about opinions. I am just glad that everyone has one. I am here learning what I am. Trying to make my own magic real. I am someone who came to the world wide web to speak my truth amidst a vast seas of voices. Maybe someone can relate. This is my story. I want to share it, because it’s been quite an amazing life; full of pain, heartache, and triumph. Maybe, I made the story is made up?!?!? You will never know. The people I thought would be interested, just aren’t. My family, my friends, my circle. They know me, but they don’t see past their judgement of me. That is okay. We are trapped in a multi faceted reality. With most of us disagreeing on what’s right, wrong, true, or fake. I know what we all agree on though. Pain, fear, joy, and love. The basic human emotions we all feel. We create our own version of heaven or hell. We experience these versions as we travel along in life. Years ago; I read a blog post that gave me the idea for this site. In that post Dharma was defined as Truth, Freedom, Peace, and Love. I couldn’t agree more. Later, I learned that isn’t the actual definition of dharma. Dharma’s true meaning varies between cultures and spiritual practice. If you follow the Bhagavad Gita you would say that Dharma is Austerity, Cleanliness, Mercy, and Truthfulness. “Austerity of the body consists in worship of the supreme lord, the brahmanas, the spiritual master, and the superiors like the father and mother (Truthfulness), and in celibacy (Cleanliness), simplicity (Austerity) and nonviolence (Mercy).” ~ Bhagavad Gita As It Is, Chapter 17 “Divisions of Faith.” Text 14. I like the “ideals” that I read in an acquaintance’s blog better than the scriptures of old. Maybe, it is because I don’t live in those times. I prefer truth, freedom, peace, and love. I see myself as unique, with thoughts to share. I was sacrificing something I wanted to do in order to make someone else happy. It didn’t work. The ideals I read those years ago was that writer’s “truth.” At the time I didn’t understand the concept of “my truth” or “your truth.” I was inclined to believe in one truth. I consider that nonsense now. One truth will lead to discord. Truth is singular. Not as a whole. Absolute truth was a naive concept. Fact is there can never be an absolute truth because there are 7 billion people each living out a unique experience here on earth. The whole word is chattering of a war for our minds or maybe souls. Isn’t it time to practice tolerance, peace, love, understanding, and acceptance? The entire planet knows that something outside of our control is taking place on the planet. I was in a college class years ago and my professor said, “It is human nature to stand like a deer in the headlights when disaster is headed toward us, we just don’t know what to do. So we continue on like nothing is happening. Until we crash.” We live at varying levels of understanding what is taking place. It’s just that none of us know what is taking place, and can we blame someone? Is it government? Is it the all seeing eye watching from the top of the pyramid? Destiny? Collective consciousness? Is it karma? Has the past caught up? We love to blame others for our own shortcomings. What if it’s bigger than a group of evil or misunderstood people? Is it god or universal consciousness? A self fulfilling prophecy? Can we change our trajectory? Can we rise above the negativity? I believe we can. Which leaves me with my final thought of the day. This couldn’t be a better time to share a story. Mine.
“love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy” because “our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness” ~ Esther Perel